okay so promos is over...
results for it were surprising...
maths B...
chem B...
phy B...
chi C...
GP U...
econs e...

okay so it was avg...
then overall result is
maths C
phy C
chem C
chi C
GP S
econs E
so it was rubbish at 53 pts...
then now pw op is also over...
omg i perform the worst in my grp...
what do i do?...
damn it why my life has to be full of fail/seconds
second class since p2...
fail in study cca pw life ....
why am i created in the first place...
so depressing man...
I want to live longer...


so now its study break...
for promos...
and here i am playing...
whole day...
and 2moro and the weekends...
guess i cant do well for promos...
pray pray pray...
gp was yesterday...
and then i wrote out of point...
guess i am stupid afterall...
I want to live longer...


sigh...
now jc is like killing me...
i cant study...
i feel so stupid in a class of genius...
yet i feel i am more stupid compared to everyone else in school...
i look at the mirror and its a failure...
sigh...
I want to live longer...


2day is vanessayon's birthday so happy birthday vanessa...
I want to live longer...


i got back my results...
its was like Es...
total 46 points...
have nowhere to go but the rubbish chute...
my life is such a failure...
thx to me my class average dropped...
no thx to me my class got top...
1s03 is behind by like decimals...
so now i feel damn bad...
its like i am the stupidest kid in the world...
just not born for studies i guess...
i feel super shitty...
but what can i do when i am not born for studies...
its just not my things...
all i can think about is fail...
fail in life...
fail in studies...
fail in sports...
fail in shooting...
fail in EVERYTHING!!!
seriously man i just wished i could have better grades...
be smarter...
be more of the type that can study...
and do sports...
but i just cant...
guess my life is worthless...
like rubbish in the rubbish dump...
there for no reason but to stink the world...
is life unfair to me?
or is it i am just being unfair to life?
sometimes i really wonder...
life...
do i star in it...
or am i the joker in it...
fate...
is it playing me???
or am i manipulating it???
death...
is it a solution???
or is it an neverending problem???
I want to live longer...


damn mid year results were out...
eng:e
chi:e
chem:e
math:e
omg la i think i die already this kind of result how to survive how to go uni...
i should just die or go become rubbish le la...
I want to live longer...


2day its my dad birthday...
so we went to have buffet...
its at a restaurant in hotel mirama...
named ikoi japanese restaurant...
so ya when i went in it was like small...
then we sat at the counter...
suddenly my phone vibrate...
it was a call from vanessa?...
then she said look to ur left...
then i look to my right...
then my left...
then i saw her...
omg...
then i just said hi then i hang up...
contine to eat with my parents...
keep asking for sake but parents say no u drink to much...
so i ate alot of stuff...
the person sitting beside my dad was like older than him but he got a gf younger than like him by like alot...
then the person that sat next to me was like rich...
relative all around the globe...
okay...
so i ate and ate and ate...
then i left at 9 plus...
here is how i spend my father day+dad birthday without alcohol...
now i wish there was like a cup of wine or something...
oh theres a bottle of gin in the kitchen...
yay!!!...
drink till my sorrow is gone...
I want to live longer...